Ketchup
Quick, let's recap. This is longer than I anticipated. Much of it is preaching to myself.
December happened. I fired a load of mugs, many of which sold the first week they were on display at "the coffee shop." I just started another batch.
We got sick. We got better. We had a very cold Christmas Day with Randy's family in the barn at Trout Lake, complete with climbing wall, ping-pong, stockings, way too much pot-luck food, and a visit from the Diers family.
We traveled to WI to have a late Christmas-time with my family - my whole family! - and it was usually loud but always good. Sister time, brother time, Mom and Dad time, Bible study time, and even urgent-care-false-alarm-with-Teddy time.
January we were tossed unceremoniously back into "normal life" which is not as comfortable and smooth as it may have "been" before. We are trying to start a Bible study. We are working on reconciling with people who don't seem as eager to do so. Randy is working many hours in the garage, building his Teamcycles, focusing on building the home business, as heavily as we can before he "needs" to bring in funds again. I'm teaching Teddy kindergarten and Bridget is interested enough in school the entire time that she's getting about half of a kindergarten year for herself! We got sick again. We're still trying to get better. We're trying to connect with friend-families (is there a better term for a whole family with which you are friends?). I'm re-vamping the home-school plan for the rest of this year and the next. I (still) volunteer once a week at the coffee shop. I still bury my face in Andrew(Mr. Cheeks)'s double chin every day.
And in our spare time...
Reading through the NT together and asking ourselves, "what is church?"
Constantly learning how to be more effective at (trying to) bring others one step closer to God.
Reading books and playing lots of Legos and basement-soccer with children.
It sounds like we're extremely busy. We're really not trying to be!
On another level, ketchup reminds me of what I expect myself to do every day: catch up to where I think I "should be by now." (Like, I should be more organized and responsible by now, with three kids, etc. Or, I should have my temper under control by now! Or, I ought to know how to love people tenderly without requiring anything of them. Ought to.)
But this kind of thinking is paralyzing. It only focuses on where I think I "should be by now" as if I'm in control of my growth, and it ultimately doesn't help me move forward. It inspires new ways of beating myself up, which is basically saying to Jesus, "Your death didn't cover this, so I need to punish myself." It's not just paralyzing and depressing. It's prideful. It's sin!
If I think of all the important concepts and Truth that I've learned over the last 3 years, it's staggering. If I think of all the differences in perspective that I have from people with whom I would have tightly shared a perspective 3 years ago, it can be depressing. My tendency, with good intention, is to notice the differences, boil them down to a key piece of information or two, and share that nugget of truth, or bomb. As if I can catch people up to where I am, with what I've taken 3 years to learn (or a lifetime, depending on what it is).
Unfortunately, I can get frustrated that people don't respond to truth like I desire for them. I also get frustrated when people (leaders especially) are speaking or teaching the same truths and don't live them. I'm learning more and more acutely how rare it is to find someone who places Truth, and the pursuit of it, above their own feelings. And I even know I fall into that category at times.
I have been really challenged in the last few months to forgive, really forgive, without requiring anything from those who (I think) are in the wrong. Most days, I am there. I have forgiven and I do forgive. The last few days and particularly this morning from 4-6am, Satan has been having too much fun with my brain.
"I must not be capable of forgiveness if I'm still upset about this! I'm not saved!"
"There's something I'm supposed to do and God's not telling me what it is!"
Nice try, Devil. You like to condemn. The Holy Spirit convicts. And God is not a God of confusion. If He really has something specific for me to do, He'll make that clear, usually in His word.
Regardless of my identifying the above lies, I needed some re-calibrating on the topic of forgiveness this morning.
Jesus tells the parable of the king who forgives a debtor that owes him a ridiculous amount of money, and that person goes out and strangles a man who owes him $10. He hasn't been transformed by the forgiveness he's received, but he's as selfish as ever.
"Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:32-35)
Now, reconciliation can only happen if the other person believes they need forgiveness and want it. That's why it's so frustrating when you want to forgive somebody and they don't think they need any forgiveness. Because reconciliation is not being achieved. In the church, "reconciliation" looks a whole lot more like fake forgiveness: sweeping offenses under the rug and never actually finding agreement.
But we are not to wait for another's repentance. We cannot wait for them to "come halfway" before we forgive, lest "our Father in heaven not forgive [us]."
My practical struggle, then, is how to act towards those who don't think they need forgiveness, but think that reconciliation has been achieved. Am I not "faking it" if I pretend that we're friends?? I don't want to fake it!
My friend John speaks of loving your enemy (or the "friend" that's really been acting like your adversary) as being an essential fruit of true forgiveness, which is a fruit of salvation. Jesus said, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44) and Peter picks up the theme with "do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing" (1 Peter 3:9) The Christian is to choose not to be the punisher, but to treat the other person better than they deserve, as if there was no personal injury. And Christian leaders/teachers? God is their Judge too. Not me.
If we return good for evil, we are not moping around hoping someone notices that something is "off" and ask us about it. We don't withdraw into a silent funk. We are to act in a cheerful, grateful, hopeful, gracious way, and nobody will have any idea that we have been insulted or put down or wounded or cheated. And everything in my sinful soul kicks against that.
We don't want to act in a way that looks as if they didn't do anything wrong. We want justice served, now!
Still with me? Let's go one step deeper.
My greatest need, at the end of the day, is that Jesus is so much more real and important to me than other people are. Trusting Him with the judging (all of it - not just others, but me too). Finding satisfaction for my soul in Him, to the point of keeping my joy even if Randy were to betray me, the closest of my human relationships. Because the joy is in Christ and "nothing can separate us from the love of God," and that nothing includes even myself.
Is it enough for God to know our struggle, our sorrow, our disappointments and frustrations? Can we hand Him our cause? Can we move forward treating others better than they treat us, even if it means only God knows and nobody else? That's how real God has to become to us.
I'm glad I'll get this post as an email tomorrow, because I'll need to read it again.
December happened. I fired a load of mugs, many of which sold the first week they were on display at "the coffee shop." I just started another batch.
We got sick. We got better. We had a very cold Christmas Day with Randy's family in the barn at Trout Lake, complete with climbing wall, ping-pong, stockings, way too much pot-luck food, and a visit from the Diers family.
We traveled to WI to have a late Christmas-time with my family - my whole family! - and it was usually loud but always good. Sister time, brother time, Mom and Dad time, Bible study time, and even urgent-care-false-alarm-with-Teddy time.
January we were tossed unceremoniously back into "normal life" which is not as comfortable and smooth as it may have "been" before. We are trying to start a Bible study. We are working on reconciling with people who don't seem as eager to do so. Randy is working many hours in the garage, building his Teamcycles, focusing on building the home business, as heavily as we can before he "needs" to bring in funds again. I'm teaching Teddy kindergarten and Bridget is interested enough in school the entire time that she's getting about half of a kindergarten year for herself! We got sick again. We're still trying to get better. We're trying to connect with friend-families (is there a better term for a whole family with which you are friends?). I'm re-vamping the home-school plan for the rest of this year and the next. I (still) volunteer once a week at the coffee shop. I still bury my face in Andrew(Mr. Cheeks)'s double chin every day.
And in our spare time...
Reading through the NT together and asking ourselves, "what is church?"
Constantly learning how to be more effective at (trying to) bring others one step closer to God.
Reading books and playing lots of Legos and basement-soccer with children.
It sounds like we're extremely busy. We're really not trying to be!
On another level, ketchup reminds me of what I expect myself to do every day: catch up to where I think I "should be by now." (Like, I should be more organized and responsible by now, with three kids, etc. Or, I should have my temper under control by now! Or, I ought to know how to love people tenderly without requiring anything of them. Ought to.)
But this kind of thinking is paralyzing. It only focuses on where I think I "should be by now" as if I'm in control of my growth, and it ultimately doesn't help me move forward. It inspires new ways of beating myself up, which is basically saying to Jesus, "Your death didn't cover this, so I need to punish myself." It's not just paralyzing and depressing. It's prideful. It's sin!
If I think of all the important concepts and Truth that I've learned over the last 3 years, it's staggering. If I think of all the differences in perspective that I have from people with whom I would have tightly shared a perspective 3 years ago, it can be depressing. My tendency, with good intention, is to notice the differences, boil them down to a key piece of information or two, and share that nugget of truth, or bomb. As if I can catch people up to where I am, with what I've taken 3 years to learn (or a lifetime, depending on what it is).
Unfortunately, I can get frustrated that people don't respond to truth like I desire for them. I also get frustrated when people (leaders especially) are speaking or teaching the same truths and don't live them. I'm learning more and more acutely how rare it is to find someone who places Truth, and the pursuit of it, above their own feelings. And I even know I fall into that category at times.
I have been really challenged in the last few months to forgive, really forgive, without requiring anything from those who (I think) are in the wrong. Most days, I am there. I have forgiven and I do forgive. The last few days and particularly this morning from 4-6am, Satan has been having too much fun with my brain.
"I must not be capable of forgiveness if I'm still upset about this! I'm not saved!"
"There's something I'm supposed to do and God's not telling me what it is!"
Nice try, Devil. You like to condemn. The Holy Spirit convicts. And God is not a God of confusion. If He really has something specific for me to do, He'll make that clear, usually in His word.
Regardless of my identifying the above lies, I needed some re-calibrating on the topic of forgiveness this morning.
Jesus tells the parable of the king who forgives a debtor that owes him a ridiculous amount of money, and that person goes out and strangles a man who owes him $10. He hasn't been transformed by the forgiveness he's received, but he's as selfish as ever.
"Then his master summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." (Matthew 18:32-35)
Now, reconciliation can only happen if the other person believes they need forgiveness and want it. That's why it's so frustrating when you want to forgive somebody and they don't think they need any forgiveness. Because reconciliation is not being achieved. In the church, "reconciliation" looks a whole lot more like fake forgiveness: sweeping offenses under the rug and never actually finding agreement.
But we are not to wait for another's repentance. We cannot wait for them to "come halfway" before we forgive, lest "our Father in heaven not forgive [us]."
My practical struggle, then, is how to act towards those who don't think they need forgiveness, but think that reconciliation has been achieved. Am I not "faking it" if I pretend that we're friends?? I don't want to fake it!
My friend John speaks of loving your enemy (or the "friend" that's really been acting like your adversary) as being an essential fruit of true forgiveness, which is a fruit of salvation. Jesus said, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44) and Peter picks up the theme with "do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing" (1 Peter 3:9) The Christian is to choose not to be the punisher, but to treat the other person better than they deserve, as if there was no personal injury. And Christian leaders/teachers? God is their Judge too. Not me.
If we return good for evil, we are not moping around hoping someone notices that something is "off" and ask us about it. We don't withdraw into a silent funk. We are to act in a cheerful, grateful, hopeful, gracious way, and nobody will have any idea that we have been insulted or put down or wounded or cheated. And everything in my sinful soul kicks against that.
We don't want to act in a way that looks as if they didn't do anything wrong. We want justice served, now!
Still with me? Let's go one step deeper.
My greatest need, at the end of the day, is that Jesus is so much more real and important to me than other people are. Trusting Him with the judging (all of it - not just others, but me too). Finding satisfaction for my soul in Him, to the point of keeping my joy even if Randy were to betray me, the closest of my human relationships. Because the joy is in Christ and "nothing can separate us from the love of God," and that nothing includes even myself.
Is it enough for God to know our struggle, our sorrow, our disappointments and frustrations? Can we hand Him our cause? Can we move forward treating others better than they treat us, even if it means only God knows and nobody else? That's how real God has to become to us.
I'm glad I'll get this post as an email tomorrow, because I'll need to read it again.
Comments
Post a Comment