Reading Between the Lines
Early in our relationship, pre-marriage, Randy and I would run into (funny, now) miscommunication. It would start with a simple question or statement from Randy.
"Do you want to go?"
And I would read between the lines, inserting, or assuming, an entire imaginary conversation, complete with hidden motives, colored by my own experiences, and then respond to what he did not ask or say. Something like this.
He doesn't want to go. He thinks I'm silly because I actually kinda do want to go. There are better things we could do with our time, I'm sure. He's hoping he doesn't have to go but wants us to be in agreement on it, that's why he's asking for my opinion. We'll have to be really intentional about doing "holy" activities if we go to something that's not actively edifying us.
So I might respond with something like, "Not everything has to be Bible study."
And he would be utterly confused, saying, "Let me rephrase that. Do you want to go?"
I learned early on not to read between Randy's lines. He rarely says things he doesn't mean literally, and even more rare is the use of passive aggressiveness. Sometimes I forget and he gently reminds me by saying/asking the exact same thing he did the first time. At first I thought of him as a bit boring without the added "excitement" of assumptions, until I quickly realized the freedom and simplicity of not living under assumptions where no assumptions are intended.
Unfortunately, reading between the lines is how most people do relationship (from which a LOT of drama comes). You know what they say about those who assume.
AND equally as unfortunately, it's how a lot of people study the Bible. Many struggle to get anything applicable out of their reading without
- inserting their own ideas, perspectives, emotions
- interpreting through the lens of their own experiences, or others' experiences and/or opinions
- removing words from the context, or completely ignoring the context
- inserting imaginary exception clauses.
Italics are "invisible clauses" that have been added. Underlined is the ignored context.
Forgiveness
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other if they are sorry for what they've done; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive people whom you know are truly repentant." Colossians 3:12-13
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matt 6:14-15
"Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!" (Jesus speaking of the spiritual leaders who had been aiming to kill him for years and have finally gotten what they wanted).
Anger
"The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God but please go ahead and be angry. It's never a sin to be angry. It's not going to do any harm..." James 1:20
"Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent." Psalm 4:4
"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Ephesians 4
"And he told - really, he hollered at - those who sold the pigeons, 'Take these things away. Do not make my Father's house a house of trade.' The disciples remembered that it was written, 'Zeal - he means ANGER - for your house will consume me.'" John 2:17
Leaders
"For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined, unless he does a lot of good things. Then he gets a free pass. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so long as he likes it, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it, unless telling someone they're wrong will hurt their feelings. In that case he shouldn't." Titus 1:7-9
"Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account." Hebrews 13:17
Earnestness
"Exhort one another daily, as long as it's called 'today'. But it really only means on Sunday morning and Wednesday nights, because that's all we need. And exhorting is too strong a word. Be nice! that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin which really isn't that bad. Shaming a person is worse than habitual sin." Hebrews 3:13
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend because you know he doesn't mean what he says! and profuse are the kisses of an enemy, so feel free to be righteously angry when your enemy proves himself your enemy." Proverbs 27:6
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another, but if it hurts then pay it no attention. In fact, they're wrong about you and you should be angry!" Proverbs 27:17
So, if you add to or ignore passages, please don't. Your studying will be blessed, your compass will be trued, and you may find your perspective on life changing for the better. Just read what's there with "fresh eyes." The Word is inexhaustible! "Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever!" Heb 13:20-21
"Do you want to go?"
And I would read between the lines, inserting, or assuming, an entire imaginary conversation, complete with hidden motives, colored by my own experiences, and then respond to what he did not ask or say. Something like this.
He doesn't want to go. He thinks I'm silly because I actually kinda do want to go. There are better things we could do with our time, I'm sure. He's hoping he doesn't have to go but wants us to be in agreement on it, that's why he's asking for my opinion. We'll have to be really intentional about doing "holy" activities if we go to something that's not actively edifying us.
So I might respond with something like, "Not everything has to be Bible study."
And he would be utterly confused, saying, "Let me rephrase that. Do you want to go?"
I learned early on not to read between Randy's lines. He rarely says things he doesn't mean literally, and even more rare is the use of passive aggressiveness. Sometimes I forget and he gently reminds me by saying/asking the exact same thing he did the first time. At first I thought of him as a bit boring without the added "excitement" of assumptions, until I quickly realized the freedom and simplicity of not living under assumptions where no assumptions are intended.
Unfortunately, reading between the lines is how most people do relationship (from which a LOT of drama comes). You know what they say about those who assume.
AND equally as unfortunately, it's how a lot of people study the Bible. Many struggle to get anything applicable out of their reading without
- inserting their own ideas, perspectives, emotions
- interpreting through the lens of their own experiences, or others' experiences and/or opinions
- removing words from the context, or completely ignoring the context
- inserting imaginary exception clauses.
Italics are "invisible clauses" that have been added. Underlined is the ignored context.
Forgiveness
"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other if they are sorry for what they've done; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive people whom you know are truly repentant." Colossians 3:12-13
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matt 6:14-15
"Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do!" (Jesus speaking of the spiritual leaders who had been aiming to kill him for years and have finally gotten what they wanted).
Anger
"The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God but please go ahead and be angry. It's never a sin to be angry. It's not going to do any harm..." James 1:20
"Be angry and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent." Psalm 4:4
"Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." Ephesians 4
"And he told - really, he hollered at - those who sold the pigeons, 'Take these things away. Do not make my Father's house a house of trade.' The disciples remembered that it was written, 'Zeal - he means ANGER - for your house will consume me.'" John 2:17
Leaders
"For an overseer, as God's steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined, unless he does a lot of good things. Then he gets a free pass. He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so long as he likes it, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it, unless telling someone they're wrong will hurt their feelings. In that case he shouldn't." Titus 1:7-9
"Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account." Hebrews 13:17
Earnestness
"Exhort one another daily, as long as it's called 'today'. But it really only means on Sunday morning and Wednesday nights, because that's all we need. And exhorting is too strong a word. Be nice! that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin which really isn't that bad. Shaming a person is worse than habitual sin." Hebrews 3:13
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend because you know he doesn't mean what he says! and profuse are the kisses of an enemy, so feel free to be righteously angry when your enemy proves himself your enemy." Proverbs 27:6
"Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another, but if it hurts then pay it no attention. In fact, they're wrong about you and you should be angry!" Proverbs 27:17
So, if you add to or ignore passages, please don't. Your studying will be blessed, your compass will be trued, and you may find your perspective on life changing for the better. Just read what's there with "fresh eyes." The Word is inexhaustible! "Now may the God of peace who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, the great shepherd of the sheep, by the blood of the eternal covenant, equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever!" Heb 13:20-21
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